Worry. Worry. Worry. As you may know, (or maybe you don't) I am a natural worrier. I'm actually worrying right now whether or not I should post this. I usually don't let this interior trait of mine show to just anyone, but it sometimes gets the best of me and it carefully sneaks out without me realizing, like a teen that is trying to stealthily slip out of the house to party on a Friday night, but gets caught red-handed by the overbearing parent.
If you read one of my previous blog posts, right here, you know I've been feeling a bit of self-doubt in my work lately, which ultimately leads to art block, which, you guessed it, worries me. Only because when I am not able to create for a few days in a row, I start to feel like like I'm falling away from my passions, grasping frantically at the air as I fall off of the creative rope that I am working hard to climb.
Painting is comparable to a drug for me. It is an addiction, a coping method, therapy, and a learning experience all in one, and I'm so happy when I am being creatively productive. It probably seems crazy to continue going forward with this journey when it starts to cause me inner conflict. But the truth is, without creating art, I lose a way to cope with everyday stress, a way to express myself, and my identity. As long as I can remember, I've created in one way or another. It is as if artwork was encrypted in my DNA. If I don't create, I am not really being me.
There are many ways in which I overcome the negativity that spouts up from time to time to find myself inspired again. One of which is to just paint. Nothing beats the living hell out of self-doubt and artist's block more than simply just painting. That's it. Just paint. Force yourself to pick up the paint brush, dip it in your favourite colour, and paint. Even if you hate it. Even if it feels like it sucks. Doesn't matter. No one has to see it, no one is going to judge you. Just keep painting.
And when you get sick of it, or it doesn't turn out as you imagined, just start over. Re-coat in white and keep going... and this was that painting for me. When I almost felt like giving in and giving up. Working through fear of rejection, and all the other negative emotions that come with it, has lead me to one of my favourite pieces in my small sunsets collection yet. This painting will always remind me to tell myself: don't worry.